Wanna let it go!!

Expression is difficult when there is a fear. And very often the two come in a pack.

I always wonder, why I am not able to fully express how I feel, even to my loved ones. Well, one, I love them and do not want them hurt. Two, I think I am not strong enough to face rejection (which is mostly the case). Or may be, I am not. But there might be another reasons. I don't feel safe. I am afraid of being misunderstood. I fear of getting ignored. And whatever the reason is, it hurts. But what hurts the most it keeping it all to myself. But it is not easy to let things go, is it??

Illusion..

Some days, I wake up thinking what I want. Those days, I look back and I realize I have had everything I needed and wanted. But there is still that emptiness, surrounding me, that makes me restless. A desire to accomplish, which was there, and now gone, left a hole. And another hole made by some vanished dreams. Beautiful nights and energizing days, all seem to be the same now. I wander aimlessly in thoughts, wondering and looking for those days. Looking for myself. Was I living in a dream, or is it a dream now? Everything seems to be fading. I look for peace. I look for solitude... But all I could find is , myself among strangers.

Talk to yourself!

Some days you want to let it out. Things you have been hiding for so long. You look for someone to hear you. You look around, with the hope of finding someone who would not judge you. Someone who would only listen to, what you have to say and give all the comfort and love you need, without being a critic. You wish for that someone to be biased (though most of us would not admit this). You wish that he/she would agree with you, in all what you have to say. You feel a need to be right. Just this one time, you think and you wish to be "I-know-I-am-right". You look for the reasons. You have feelings, you yourself do not want to agree with. You want and need someone who would make 'you' feel wanted.

In those times, most of the time, you wont find that someone. (Even if you do, you might not be able to pour your heart out). And then you would have only, YOU. You would have to be your own guide and you would have to be your own listener.

If this is so, why wait for someone at the first place? Why not talk to yourself at the very beginning? Why hide things from yourself when you know you would have to face it sooner or later.? Why not accept life as it comes? Wouldn't it be wiser to be honest with yourself right from the start??